I did not intend to take almost 6 MONTHS (truly unbelievable) to post something on the blog. I have had a draft going since Elliott was about 4 weeks old as you can tell from the date of the post that I don't know how to change. I think part of me is sort of in denial about everything that happened. I'm still sad that I didn't get to have a proper goodbye with my friends in Tokyo and that so many of them didn't get to meet Elliott. I do, however, want to document the crazy events that took place on March 11th (and the weeks after). So, this will be long and broken into 2 parts.
First, I want to say how thankful I am to my Savior, Jesus Christ. Jesus has so many names in the Bible, and I think in different situations in life some become so real to us. His name Savior was made even more real to me during these events. When I look back over the past 6 months (not to mention my entire life), I can't help but get emotional over all He has brought us through, saved us from. His grace and mercy are awe inspiring.
Let's start out on March 10th, when my mom and John went with me to see Dr. Sakamoto for my 41 week prenatal checkup. I was really hoping the doctor was going to tell me that she was 100% ready to pop on out. We did the fetal monitor test, and he wasn't seeing as much movement as he would have liked from the baby, and then her head was still pretty high in the birth canal. I was dilated to a 2 still, so progress was not happening. The doctor also didn't like that I had been on the blood pressure medicine for 3 weeks at this point, so he made me an appointment for the next morning to go in and get induced. I was happy and incredibly nervous all at the same time. I sat in my room that night looking around thinking that the next time I would be in there, we would have a little baby to join us. I cried a little, freaked out a little, and then felt a peace. The next morning was busy trying to be sure we had everything we needed in our bags, maps drawn out for Mom to get around, talking on the phone to everyone one last time before we left , and the list goes on. We decided to take the train and walk to the hospital, so I would feel better when Mom had to do it later on her own. This was a better option than taking $40 cab rides to and from each day. So, we lugged bags through the train and then on a 20 minute walk from the train station to the hospital. By the time we got to the hospital, I was sweating and, of course, the inside of the hospital was hot, too. We met up with Sister Barbara, who was amazing through our entire experience. She is a 70+ year old American nun from Boston (strong accent still intact), who has lived and worked in Japan for over 30 years. She was the biggest bilingual blessing ever! They checked us in, and I had to go downstairs to get some blood drawn and an EKG. I could feel my blood pressure rising as they were trying to find a vein to draw blood, which is always a difficult task. Then they pricked my ear lobe to see how my blood would clot. I kept saying to myself, "This is the least amount of pain you will go through today, suck it up!" Then, I get back upstairs to the labor room, change clothes and get into position for the fetal monitors and for my IV for the Pitocin (inducing drug).
The nurses/midwives had a wide variety of English speaking skills. The one assigned to me that morning was scoring about a 1% on her English test. Again, blood pressure rising. She was asking me all these medical history questions, and I had no clue what she was saying. Not a good situation. Then, they try to place the IV, again my uncooperative veins make this a difficult task. They like to put it in your forearm because it hurts less, but it was not working out. So, they had to get a doctor to place the IV in my hand (still not sure why the nurses couldn't do it, but whatever), which I was even more nervous was going to hurt (do you see the patter for my aversion to pain...maybe it's a good thing I didn't go through labor). Once the IV line was finally in place, the nurse tried to reset the fetal monitors, which had been tossled about during the IV fiasco. I could tell the nurse was having a hard time finding the baby in there, and then she all of a sudden rushes out of the room calling for the other nurse. I wouldn't say I was really scared at that point, I just thought she was overreacting a bit and Elliott was playing Hide and Seek. Alas, they made me get on all fours (apparently this allows more oxygen flow to the baby) and put on an oxygen mask. I stayed that way for about 10 minutes as they monitored the baby's heartbeat. At this point I started to get a bit nervous. Once I got resettled, the nurses called Dr. Sakamoto to fill him in on what had just happened, and then he wanted to talk to us. He talked to John and was recommending a C-section. I was really worried that I was about to have a C-section because this nurse was overreacting and communicating so badly, so I got on the phone and expressed my concerns and asked what other options we had. He talked about how we could still start the induction, but he felt that it would add stress to the baby who seemed to already be under some stress. He told me to make a decision before he arrived at the hospital. When I hung up with him, I felt so confused on what we were supposed to do. If you know me fairly well, you know that I'm ridiculously indecisive, so this was torture to me. I decided I wanted to call our birth class instructor since I knew she would understand more of what was going on and could have a balanced opinion. She is an American woman married to a Japanese man and has dealt with Japanese healthcare for about 20 years. I told her my fear of having a C-section because someone misinterpreted the readings on the fetal monitors, and she said that was a possiblitily that I may have to deal with. The best thing she said was that Dr. Sakamoto would not base his decision on someone else's false readings, he would look at them and decide for himself. From there, I also remembered a sweet friend in Tokyo had told me that she had been frustrated at the same hospital, and she finally just had to trust that God had led her to that hospital and He was sovereign over all the nurses and doctors there.
When Sakamoto arrived, he said the baby's heartbeat had dropped for a good 4 or 5 minutes, and he felt we needed to proceed with a C-section. I said, "Let's do it!" Within maybe 2 minutes, I was in the hall ready to be wheeled to surgery. For a minute, I found myself alone in the hallway as John was taking care of something and Mom was gathering up our bags. I called for my momma and started crying all of a sudden feeling overwhelmed about what was happening. She reassured me with a hug and kiss as she is so great at doing. Regrouped, we all went down to the basement level where the surgery rooms were. The surgical nurses that spoke EXCELLENT English took over, and I was automatically relieved. Less than 30 minutes of Sakamoto showing up, I was getting prepped for surgery. I remember being super nervous that the anesthesia wouldn't take, and I'd feel something. The only surgery I had ever had was getting my wisdom teeth removed. I had never even been admitted to a hospital, so I had no clue what to expect. The nurse kept putting something cold on my face and told me to tell her if I felt it on my leg. It's so weird because you feel the object but not the coldness of the object. I said, "Well, maybe I can feel that it's cold." This went on at least twice, so I can say I was sufficiently doped up for this surgery.
John was by my side trying to distract me as the surgery began. The best description I've heard to date is that it felt like they were washing dishes in my stomach (credit that to Beth Moxon). You can feel everything they are doing, but there is no pain. At one point, I thought they might pull me off the table. I would say after 5 minutes of them cutting me open, we got to hear our little girl. Elliott June Rutledge had arrived at 1:56 pm healthy as can be, weighing in at 7 lbs and 8 oz and 19 1/2 inches long.
Through the tears, John and I celebrated her. They tried to let me hold her, but it was such an awkward position that it made me nervous. I told John to just hold her and let me look at her. Things started to get really foggy by this point, and they weren't quite done "washing dishes", so it was making me woozy. I remember that kept trying to focus on her, but I just couldn't. I don't remember a whole lot as they tended to her and finished me up. They wheeled me into the hallway, and Mom was able to come in and give me a kiss and tell me that Elliott was beautiful. She said she was going on up to the room and would see me there. Neither of us knew the craziness that was about to happen.
As we (John and I) were in this hallway of the surgical floor waiting to go up in the elevator (so glad we didn't get on it yet), things started shaking. Now, John and I have been in so many little earthquakes, we stopped counting them or even paying any attention to them. Mom even experienced one a few days before. We immediately knew this was different. Part of me thought that it just seemed worse because of the metal cabinets and doors were making so much noise. There is nothing in our apartment that even rattled when we had felt them before. Then, John was having trouble even standing up and had to hold on to my bed. I'm not even sure how long it lasted, probably a good 2 minutes or so, but it seemed like a really long time. The nurses were running around like crazy trying to make sure the doors stayed open. This is the number one precaution they say to take in an earthquake so that you don't get trapped in a room somewhere with a jammed door. These nurses have probably been in hundreds if not thousands of earthquakes, but I knew they were terrified. Some poor guy was in the middle of surgery. I'll pause here to recognize God's amazing timing for me and remember that I was thankful that I wasn't somewhere else being induced and dealing with nurses that I couldn't communicate with at all. Then the aftershocks started (and still haven't really stopped). One very sweet nurse came and put her arms around us and kept repeating "Big earthquake. It's okay. Big earthquake." The Japanese are not known to be touchy feely people, so again I took note of how serious this situation was based on her fear. In the midst of this and my fogginess, I remembered Mom upstairs all by herself. John told the nurses, and they went to try and find her. They retrieved her and brought her down, and she was in total shock. She was trembling and crying, and I was so worried about her. I just kept telling her how sorry I was. She was telling us of how the mothers on the Labor and Delivery floor were crying and screaming for their babies, and she was so worried about where Elliott was. She was safe in the nursery, thank God (again). Mom said that dust was coming out of the air vents, doors were rattling, people running around, I can't imagine the scene.
We waited for probably and hour or so in that hallway as the nurses were trying to figure out what in the world to do with me. The elevators have a safety mechanism built in to become inoperable in a strong earthquake, and the service company has to come out to reset them for them to work again. They weren't going to be able to come until the morning. I can't imagine how many elevators they had to get serviced, even though I'm sure the hospitals were top on the list. The nurses finally figured out that in the older part of the building there was a service elevator that was working, but my bed wouldn't fit in it. So, they moved me to a stretcher and paraded me down this long hallway. I say parade because I think there were at least 10 people walking with us. This was because the elevator was up a step, so they had to build a little ramp to pull me up and get me on the elevator. Craziness!
We finally got settled in the room, and I got to see my precious baby once again. I was very frustrated, though, because I was looking at her but I felt like I couldn't really see her. I hated that feeling of being so out of it. I kept thinking that I would never feel normal again. That night, Mom and John stayed in the room because we found out that most trains were stopped and all cabs were completely taken. Later, we heard stories of people trying to get home that night. It took some people walking a hour and half or more, others even more hours trying all different ways to make it home. Some didn't make it home and just slept in their offices or other places. We were so blessed to be in one of the safest places you could be in during an event like this. I believe John was finally able to make contact with his parents and my dad in the US later that night. I know that they were flipping out when they woke up to the news.
I know that the nurses brought Elliott in to nurse during the night, but most of that is a total fog. I do remember waking up the next morning feeling 10 times better after getting some rest. Poor Mom and John were so tired from the less than fabulous sleeping accommodations plus all the shaking during the night. Every time it happened, we just prayed it would end quickly. That day consisted of us all getting acquainted with Elliott as I kept checking her ID badge to make sure she was mine with all that dark hair! She couldn't look more like her father, so there was no mistake that she was ours. The nursing staff was pretty great and really attentive. I still had a few communication hiccups here and there, but it was getting better. Many of them were having to run up and down 4 flights of stairs to deliver meals to all the rooms because the elevators were broken. One tray at a time for the whole hospital!
At some point during the day, John revealed to me that over the past several months he had collected cards and letters from tons of family and friends meant to encourage me while I was in labor. Even though I didn't go through the labor process, I can't tell you how amazing it was to get all these notes. I was crying and laughing as I read through them all. Let's take a minute to talk about how amazing my husband is by coordinating that whole effort. He got so many people to participate. He could not be more perfect for me. And thank you to all of you that wrote notes and sent them internationally! The task of encouraging me was totally accomplished!
The time on Saturday and Sunday is sort of foggy. We did have our first (and only because of the situation) visitors. Our dear friends, Faisal and Monisha came. Here's their picture with her:
I know Mom and John were trying to contact people in the US and watching the news coverage. Come to find out we were seeing something pretty different than what everyone in the US was seeing (besides the fact that our news was in Japanese). I didn't even look at the TV until Sunday night, and I am thankful that I didn't. My dad and two sisters were supposed to be on a plane to Tokyo that Saturday, so we were trying to figure out what they should do. We knew for sure that Jennifer, being 6 months pregnant, should not come. She and I were able to talk about (more like cry about it), but I was thankful to not put her in any danger. Our sweet friend, Chieko, was helping us monitor the situation with getting to the airport and back. My dad and Nicole ended up still wanting to come just a day later.
The last few days in the hospital I remember things just at random: John rocking a pillow instead of Elliott while in a sleep deprived state, John and Mom making me laugh then cry because it hurt to laugh, the lovely epidural that was in for 2 days (that was awesome), being frustrated with nursing, talking to Lauren for the first time and us both bursting into tears, reading about a million Facebook messages and emails all filled with prayers for us, one completely sleepless night and responding to many messages, being frustrated that I had to give Elliott formula (I didn't know how in handy it would come in the next few days), loving on my little girl, taking a glorious shower on Sunday, being in crazy pain, getting confused on the word incision and calling it insection (so weird), trying to wake Mom up one night with zero success (even after throwing something at her because I could not get up-she sleeps really hard), and lots of postpartum crying.
Sunday night was the first time I watched the news and saw the unbelievably damaging effects of the tsunami. This was the first time that I started feeling anxious. John also had a conference call that night with his office to get an update on the situation in Japan. We felt pretty good after that call that we didn't need to leave the country like several people were. Meanwhile, Nicole and my Dad were en route. Chieko took a bus to the airport to retrieve them and bring them to my apartment. I cannot thank her enough for all she did. She truly amazed me during this time, and I do not know what we would have done without her.
On Monday, Elliott got her first bath from the nurse as we watched. They won't let you take your baby home the same day you give them a bath. Kind of strange, but I think it had something to do with the drop in their body temperature after a bath. Dr. Sakamoto came by to tell me I could go home whenever I wanted. He asked if we were evacuating, and he agreed with our situation to stay put. Our last night in the hospital was a long one. Elliott had some blood in her stool, so John and I were stressing out. On top of that, the nurses on call that night couldn't spoke very little English. At one point, I was typing in words to an online translator to try and figure out what they were saying was wrong. We spoke with the pediatrician in the morning, and they said it was something like a mucous membrane and nothing to worry about.
I took my one last shower in the hospital, got dressed, and got Elliott all dolled up for the ride home. All the nurses came to say goodbye including precious, Sister Barbara, and they cooed over her as we walked out. We got settled into the cab, and Elliott became quite unhappy about 5 minutes into our 4o minute drive home. Being a new mom, I was freaking out and considering to ask the cabby in his white gloves and spotless cab to pull over. She finally settled down, and we continued on looking out the window as things seemed eerily normal on the streets of Tokyo. There was a noticeable lack of people on the streets, but those we saw looked like nothing had happened. About 5 minutes left in our drive and Elliott starts up again. Why are newborn's cries so nerve racking? Thankfully, Mom, Dad and Nicole were waiting on us outside the apartment. Such a sight for sore eyes! We hugged and cried and Nicole and Dad met Elliott for the first time. I was so thankful to finally be home. Or so I thought...
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